Playing Catch Up…

Ok, it’s been a minnit since I last did an update so I’m going to cover a bunch of things that have been happening…

1.  Happy Blogging Birthday to Me!  

Happy Birthday to me!

Happy Birthday to me!

I turned 1 on April 17.  Wow! Looking back on the past year a lot has changed, some good and not so good.

Good:

  • Finally taking ballet classes and freaking loving it.
  • Putting my hair in a real “ballet” bun at least once a week.
  • Counting down the days to ballet class.
  • Doing my ballet ankle and feet strengthening exercises.
  • Knowing all the struggles I went through this past year have been worth it to finally be in ballet class.
  • Ballet class has been improving my wonky left ankle and geriatric back.
  • The amazing young ladies and women I take ballet class with.
  • My ballet teacher, Ms. Dorothy.
  • My husband and son letting me run off once a week to ballet class without too much fuss.

Not so Good:

  • I have re-gained all the weight I lost and having trouble getting going again in weight loss.
  • Wishing I could take more ballet classes during the week.
  • Realizing to dance the way I want to dance, I gotta get this weight off of me.  That’s not just aesthetics.  Bertha, my belly, gets in the way and protests when it’s time to squeeze into tights.

2. I’m a Slacker of a Blogger

I’ve been a total slacker in the writing posts department. I admit it and I admit it freely.  I do have a good reason!  See, years ago while I was pining miserably away at a job I did because it was a job and got a good paycheck, I would wish for a job that I would love and could use my writing abilities.  I got that wish and now I write all day, full time.  It’s legal writing, not the creative stuff, but I am a nerd and a glutton for punishment and I love it.  Job problem solved.  Which translates into a blog writing problem. After writing all day 5 days a week, I am pretty much done with writing for the day once I get home.  Like I don’t even want to think enough to formulate the simplest thing, like “Hi, ballet go good. I no go boom when I pas de chat”  So, that is my reason for being a total writing slacker on the blog.  I am pooped when I get home.  It is getting better now that I am adjusting to the full time hours. Oh, did I say full time?  That’s right…I was promoted to full time after two months….thank you very much.  Add that to the good pile above.

3.  I Went to a Ballet

I went to the local professional ballet company’s Spring repertoire production. It was fantastic and I took my 7 year old son with me and he loved it! I will turn this topic into another blog post.  There is just too much to say.  It was the first live ballet performance I have seen since I was in a ballet!

Last but not least…

4.  Ballet Class

It has been one of the most challenging and rewarding things I have done in a long, long time.  I leave class exhausted, sweaty, red faced, and exhilarated.  I love pushing my body to see if it can do more and amazed at how much my body just “remembers” how to do.  Some terminology I am still working out but it is coming back more and more each week.

I take class once a week on Monday nights.  I was lucky enough these past two weeks to have two classes per week.  I was off work on Good Friday and I was able to take the Open Intermediate ballet class.  That was a great class, not just the class itself, but also the other adult students.  Many were long time dancers and one was a teacher who teaches at this studio.  They were so nice to me and I really enjoyed taking class with them.  One of them even gave me a nice compliment that I had pretty feet! (Insert ballet blush here)  Also, some of the teenage advanced dancers took class too.  One even had her younger brother who was taking class to try out ballet!  I really like having the advanced girls in class because Ms. Dorothy will push the class more plus those girls are just great and dancing with those that are better are a great motivation to push yourself to do better.  Last week, since my son was gallivanting with the grandparents for Spring break, I was able to take the adult beginner class and that was really good to take so I could concentrate on basic technique.  The lady who was teaching was the one who was in the Good Friday class.  I really enjoyed her class and she was a great teacher.  A boy who was a friend of one of the advanced students, took his first ballet class with us.  He had some very good natural talent and I hope he sticks with it.  I wish I could take that class every week too.  Unfortunately, my schedule only allows for one a week.  So, I will keep picking up an extra class here and there when I can.

So, that catches ya’ll up on where I am as of now.  I am proud of myself I kept it under 950 words! LOL

 

Dusting Myself Off

Hello?

Helloooo?  Anybody home???

HELLO!!!

(echo) …..                         

                                                                                         ………… (echo)         

                                   (echo) ………………………..      

                                                                                                                                                    ……………………..  (echo)       

Why, hello!  It is so good to see you again!   How have you been?  I saw!  I have been keeping up with you on your blog.  That’s great!

Yes, my little narration is directed to you, my readers.  It IS good to see you again and I have missed you. I know this place is dusty due to my reduced activity, but I have brought my broom and windex and I am gonna give it a good scrubbing!

What does this mean?  That I have been missing blogging and writing about my ballet obsession.  I have kept up with my other ballet bloggers and loved seeing Nutcracker season and how everyone is doing with their classes.  I swooned at Bush Ballerina’s class with Tibor!  Rejoiced with Traveling Dancer’s auditions. Had fun watching the fun All Round Girl was having. I was inspired by Legal Ballerina’s courage.  Envy at all the dancing LoveBallet89 is doing, plus many more of you!  What I am saying is I did not forget or ignore. I was just quietly lurking in the wings.

Now, you might also be wondering, what went on?  What’s happening now?

Well, I am going to grab this bull by the horns and call a duck a duck….

When I realized ballet classes were not in any kind of foreseeable future I basically did this…..

I feel deflated...

I feel deflated…

and this…

Timber!!!

Timber!!!

That pretty much sums it up.  Honestly, my heart was broken.  I tried very hard to keep a strong front but inside it felt like glass shattering.    It was no one’s fault but circumstance.  At first we thought things would be financially more feasible sooner but that was not the reality to allow the room for ballet classes financially.  So, taking ballet classes were put off for much longer. As a result, I fell off the weight loss bandwagon pretty quick since my last weight loss update was back in August, I really got to the point I didn’t care anymore.  So, I have gained most of the weight I lost in this time period.  Not really proud of that fact, but it’s a reality and something I have learned from, that I don’t need to tie my weight loss to an extraneous goal, more on this later in the post.

So, to make things more financially fluid with the family, I needed to get back to work.  I have been a nanny over the past year but I needed to start pulling in more so I got on the job hunt.  I wanted to get back into doing something professional, which is my background, but I was determined this time around I would do work I would really enjoy and that it would make a difference in someones life.  I also wanted work that would allow me to get my son from school and to keep his schedule as routine as possible. This became an odyssey… It went from I needed like 10 PhD’s or 35 years experience (not really but it felt like it) to just nothing. Facing this realization, I was happy to go work at the grocery store or the Dollar General as a clerk…then my back happened.

Back in late September or early October, my back had been doing some weird stuff . At this point I had not been exercising for weeks and I had done nothing strenuous to warrant what happened. I have always had back problems and I do have scoliosis.  So, back pain on a daily basis is common to me. Then one day I literally felt like I was going into labor…like I am not kidding the pain in my back was exactly like when I was in labor with my son years ago.   Contractions were happening like a wave, all concentrated in my lower back, just like when I had been in labor prior to having my epidural. It started off with just pressure and not able to get comfortable to a crescendo of agony over and over again. I was envisioning myself on that show, “I Didn’t Know I was Pregnant”.  I mean the pain was THAT bad.  I knew I was not pregnant. Coincidentally, I had taken a pregnancy test just a few weeks prior.  I was in so much pain I was crying uncontrollably not knowing what was going on from fear and pain.  I was not insured so the thought of needing to go to the hospital was daunting, especially when in light of our financial situation at the time, but we were on the verge of going.  So, we called Ms. L thinking I could be passing a kidney stone, being that she churns one of those out regularly she is an expert.  We determined it was not a kidney stone.  Then the waves of agony started to lessen and I started to calm down. We now think I had a severe muscle spasm in my left lower back.  I was laid up for about two weeks where I could barely walk and spent most of my time in the recliner in the only comfortable position relieving the pressure off my back.  My left lower back has not been the same since. During all of this, I have been worried if this is going to hamper my ability to dance.  Standing on my left leg or standing for long periods of time is challenging.  In ballet, what is the left leg primarily? Yep…  I have switched to wearing sneakers almost exclusively because that made a big difference in the pain level in my back.  I don’t take medication, because I  just don’t like taking meds.  Being that I have pain daily, I do not want to take daily pain meds.  So I learned to live with it, how to ease it, and work around it.  I also know it wouldn’t take much to throw me back to the fangs of agony that I experienced months ago so I am very protective of my back.  I also know that losing weight and strengthening my back and core would do wonders for my back as well.

Which brings me back to the job search….

Pretty much...

Pretty much…only I was in a skirt and heels

I now had to add to the criteria…non-back aggravating. Which meant no work that required physical lifting, standing for long periods, etc. Just going to WalMart or Target on long shopping trips are physically challenging.  I can’t imagine a 6 or 8 hour work shift on my feet.  So I had to look for work that was at a desk, but me being me, I can’t stand being relegated exclusively to a chair (I’d go stir crazy) and would need a job that did have some moving around and such. Finally, in early December some positions opened in the legal field which I qualified for and would really like to do.  I had two choices and Job 1 fit better in the parameters than Job 2, but Job 2 seemed a bit more interesting, but something kept nagging at me about it and I decided to go with Job 1. Really, when “they” say to listen to your inner voice…”they” are right!  I love doing Job 1, it’s perfect for me.  I enjoy going to the courthouse everyday, doing what I do, the people I interact with, my boss, and co-workers.  It’s been great and I really know I made the right decision.  I am happy, my family is happy, and we are back on the right track.

So where does that leave me now?  Thinking about taking ballet classes again that’s where! THAT desire never went away and it has been tucked away into my thoughts everyday. Realistically, it looks like I could start classes soon, like in a month or two.  I know the cost and the studio, and we just need to make sure some other things are straightened out first before I make the financial commitment.  So now I really am on my way to classes finally.

Do I wish I had kept up with my weight loss? Yes.  I know my weight really poses a challenge for me in ballet classes and the care of my back. I can only do what I can do and at this point that is to climb back on that band wagon and start to focus back on losing weight. I have learned that I can’t have weight loss only connected to taking classes but it has to go deeper than that. I need to get more serious about my health.  I think my back is just worn out from carrying the weight around my middle for so many years.

So that’s that folks. Which brings me to today and it has been really great to write a post. Almost like stretching a sore muscle. It was painful but felt great.  Don’t forget you can check my Facebook and Pinterest pages. I post fun stuff there all of the time as I am addicted!

Despite the disappointment over the year and the challenges I faced, it’s been a good growing experience. I learned a lot, cried some, screamed on occasion, loved deeply, and became inspired by my fellow bloggers.  Through it all I am still moving forward, while things didn’t happen as I wanted I know they happened the way they were supposed to and here I am again close to getting back to classes and I can not wait.

glass fragments #1 with WM

Battements

Weight Loss Results Week #19

Ok so…I am late again this week on my update.  I forgot it was Wednesday on Wednesday but then I realized it was Wednesday but still thought it was the next day…so hence no update Wednesday. LOL  This is the first week of school and I’m still getting adjusted to my new schedule of getting kids to and from school, homework, feed children, feed husband and self, baths, laundry, feed the dog, and in all of that Wednesday was forgotten. LOL

I weighed in on Thursday morning and was a comfortable 181.  Glad I didn’t see any weight gain.  With my pants falling to the ground incident I was surprised to see no more weight loss.  I need to take my measurements to see what’s going on there.

On to next week!

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Having a Problem with Weight Loss…

Pants on the Ground

Pants on the Ground

Ha!  It’s a good one to have!

This really happened to me last night.  As I was walking into the living room I thought to my self, “Hey my pajama pants are slipping I think.” At that exact moment, I had just walked into the room where my husband and son were playing a video game, and the pants fell to the ground before I could even react. My husband guffawed out loud and my son sat there staring at me with a horrified look on his face. He’s probably scarred for life. (Yes, I had on my under-pantaloons….)

Embarrassing moment, yes.

Lost enough weight that my pants literally fell off me, even better.

Good problem to have.

Weight Loss Results Week #18

Well, I did not gain nor lose poundage from last week…still 181.  Given my son had his birthday this past weekend and there was cake and ice cream abounding..not too shabby really.  Plus weight will fluctuate some.  I did have several days at 179 and 180 which is so encouraging.  I received some great weight loss advice last week too.  Thank you SO much to my awesome readers and for taking the time to write me.  I do appreciate it.  Sorry I have been a bit distant lately…getting my son’s birthday prepped and other life events, it’s been wild here.

I know the blog has been a lot about weight loss lately and this is a ballet blog and I do have some ballet things in the works…stay tuned!

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Weight Loss Results Week #17

OK, I know this post is a day late but it is NOT a dollar short!  I have been sitting here all morning with a silly grin on my face being very pleased if not a little bewildered.

So, on my official Wednesday weigh in day, I came in at 181. Sorry I didn’t post, the day just got away from me yesterday. That’s one pound down from last week.  Not bad right? Could have been worse…not really exercising and my eating habits are not as healthy but not bad either and have been watching portion sizes mostly.  I have been good on resisting the urges for just binge eating or eating the really bad stuff.

I usually weigh myself every morning so I can see how my weight fluctuates.  I have been really happy since this morning!  This morning I weighed in at….. 179!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I broke the 180 barrier!

Look it's a plane wearing a tutu while breaking the sound "barrier"!  Haha!

Look it’s a plane wearing a tutu while breaking the sound “barrier”! Haha!

Why am I bewildered?  When I ate really clean..drank mostly water…exercised a lot…I was gaining weight.  Now I am so-so on all of that and it’s coming off.  What is up with that?  Something is off when I think I am eating better.  I need to evaluate what I was doing with my food and determine if it was “good” after all for helping with weight loss.  This is the time I wish I had a nutritionist to help me out because some of this food stuff just confuses me after awhile.  I want to know what works for fueling my body and what doesn’t.

Anyways, this is awesomeness in my world of weight loss right now.  I needed a good boost!

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Weight Loss Results Week #16

Not too much to report here this week, I weighed in at 182.  Really, I am quite content with where I am this week given the developments in my life.  I did give into what I labeled as “Carb Fest 2013” on Sunday…and really…I felt so gross afterwards and my body did not like the crap I put into it. Overall it wasn’t a huge quantity of food thankfully.  I felt like my body was fighting me back for what I did to it. Like “Hey lady what’s the deal? We had a good thing going on down here and now you decided to pull this %#@! on us?  Well let’s see how you like this gas pain here and here! Bwahahahaha!!!!” Regardless of the stress, even on “Carb Fest 2013” day I was not as bad as I would have been prior to living healthier.  I have only allowed my one day of stupid eating and made myself realize why I was eating and what I was eating and making myself be more cognizant in my food choices.  Having the strength to push back on those old crutches of handling stress has been good.

Working out has been a little more of struggle but I am getting better each day.  I got a great workout in at my son’s karate class yesterday. His instructor allows the parents to walk/run when the kids are and to follow along with their conditioning exercises.  I was really proud that I did at least 50 push ups and sits up each…plus other exercises.  I even out did my hubby on some things. Now THAT felt great!

So, I am not beating myself up for no weight loss this week because in the perspective of everything one pound gained is not a tragedy…I’m cutting myself some slack because of what happened last week and allowing myself some time to work through those feelings but not resorting to food as a coping mechanism.  Using food that way has NOT helped me in any way and really made things worse in the past.  I am proud I did as well as I did because my initial reaction was to eat and eat and eat mindlessly.  I cleaned my house instead. 🙂

This pretty much sums up how I am on an “eating day”….very proud of myself that I recognized it and stopped myself from going full force!

eating day

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Weight Loss Results Week #15

couch

I did it!!!  I made it to 181!  This was a hard-fought weight loss week too.  I had a bizarre spike up to 185 – and I was eating well and exercising.  I did very little cheating.  So I was a bit perplexed – maybe water weight?

I have continued to keep working out and I am seeing results from that too.  My ankle is stronger.  My flexibility is really coming along.  I am on my way to having my right and left splits!  My husband says my legs look more toned and that my clothes are getting looser and looser.  Over the past two months I have lost 7.25 inches off of my body.  That was awesome to see.  I was a bit blown away that there is 7.25 inches less of me.

OK, so my next goal is to lose 6 more lbs in the next 4 weeks.  That would put me at exactly 20 lbs lost since I started the blog.  I can do that.  I am so motivated my ballet classes are starting in less than 4 weeks and the finish line is coming up on the horizon.  I know I wanted to be at 40 lbs down but that ended up being a little too aggressive for my abilities.  Losing 20 lbs would be stinking awesome!!!!

Don’t forget to venture over to my Facebook page to keep up with my workouts and other ballet randomness I throw over there through the week.  Haha!

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Weight Loss Results Week #14

This week I have remained at 182.  So no weight loss nor weight gain.  I expected this result although I was really pushing to get to 181.  I fully expect I will next week.  I have gotten into a good routine and rhythm of my eating.  I am slowly winning the battle of the late night eating habit having found some good alternatives to help me quell those urges. I am getting more motivated to workout more.  I am working hard towards working out 5 days a week plus doing stretches and my foot strengthening exercises everyday. My left ankle has made some great improvements and I am able to go on relevé with little discomfort.  The mystery broken left pinky toe is healing and I have finally been able to wear closed toe shoes in the past few days.  Yay for sneakers again!

Why the surge of new motivation and energy?  I got a fire lit under me when I decided the actual date of when I would be starting ballet classes.  So each movement, each leg lift, each stretch I know is bringing me closer to that day.  I can’t wait!  Gotta go workout now…

Trust process

Dream process

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Mom’s Pickled Tid-Bits

So my dearest mother sent me another great tid-bit and I had to share it!  I know many of us are always looking for ways to help curb cravings and such and this was a brilliant one!

Another Mom bit:  When you feel the urge to eat something sweet, eat something sour instead.  A pickle for choice.  It really helped me when I had to be so drastic when I was first diagnosed with diabetes and was on the verge of diabetic coma because my sugar was so high.  The stupid doctor never had tested me for that or for the severe hypothyroid condition.  Glad I finally fired him and found Dr. Mitchell.

Not long to wait for that first class now.  Good for you!!!

Love you,
Mom

This trick worked because it seemed like mom changed overnight!  I get awful sweet cravings and especially at night…going to put this one to the test!