Well, today was to be my triumphant return to the ballet studio. It was supposed to look a little something like this…
I imagined what was to be the reality was sliding my legs into my tights, pulling on my leo, and neatly pinning my hair into a bun.
What is the reality of today is having breakfast at Waffle House with my husband (always a win) and honestly trying not to think too much about ballet classes that I was supposed to start today.
I couldn’t let this day go by without a word. I had to acknowledge it. Can I take a sentence and stomp my feet and acknowledge the hurt of not starting ballet classes and having a moment to mourn? Yes, I am 38 years old and feel like whining like a kid that I can’t take ballet classes. OK needed a little perspective there…because now I am laughing at myself.
In all of this, I have realized how important ballet has become to me because it’s not just prancing around a studio pretending I had the flexibility of my 13-year-old self… It’s reaching into that place deep inside, that can only be put to action through the sweat of my brow and the strength in my muscles pushing through a tendu. It was part of my life I packed away thinking I could never let that out as it could only be a young girls dream. You can’t pack love away…it may get buried but it never leaves. Those of us who have been touched by the depths of ballet know what I am talking about. It can’t be explained only experienced. Now that I have had to pack it away for a little bit longer somehow it won’t go back into the box the same way it came out. The thing is, I don’t want to pack it away…I want it to stay out and to dance.
OK, I can’t spend time wallowing….I do have spectacular news! My husband has found something bigger and better than before and will be starting back to work in a few weeks! Yay! I am SO proud of him. It really is a blessing and we are SO thankful. I now need to find something for some “cushion” and things will be smooth sailing. So ballet classes are on my horizon….just need to get that horizon within reach.